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In this terrible time of unimaginable loss, I and my loved ones have stayed healthy and safe. More than anything, this precious gift should be enough to stave off any feelings of hurt or disappointment. As the saying goes, though, the heart wants what it wants. And I wanted more for this milestone in my life. A lot more. It took 46 years to find the man of my dreams. With both Mom and Dad gone, I naively thought every other part of this rite of passage would unfold as I imagined. Including the big reveal at work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over the years, I\u2019ve witnessed dozens of colleagues announce their engagements. At one boutique firm populated heavily with twentysomething women, I was surrounded by six brides-to-be simultaneously. More recently, I sat a few feet away from two chatty millennials who got engaged around the same time and also happen to be best friends. For two years, it was all wedding talk with them. All. The. Time. Being literally the only single person in our small office didn\u2019t help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then, Steve and I fell in love. Suddenly, every previous heartbreak made sense. Like it was all a preamble to sharing my life with this extraordinary man. As I have said many times, Steve is worth everything I went through to find him. Anticipating we would get engaged on the cruise, I went on vacation looking forward to sharing it with co-workers and loved ones when we got back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The pandemic had other plans. After being furloughed for two months, I was laid off in June. Instead of a gushing, celebratory moment at work, I returned to a shuttered, empty office alone to pack up my belongings and turn in my keys. The stillness unnerved me, amplifying the surrealness of it all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was nearly as taken aback by my wedding planner\u2019s response when I shared my age with her. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI have so many brides that get engaged in their mid 40\u2019s, so this is the norm.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The wedding industry has been slow to respond to this new normal. Even though more women are marrying later in life, most pre-nuptial marketing and merchandising \u2013 \u2018engaged AF\u2019 t-shirts, etc. \u2014 remains geared toward millennials like those BFF colleagues of mine. According to The Knot\u2019s 2020 newlywed survey of 25,000 couples, the average age of newly married couples is 32. Still, The Knot magazine\u2019s Real Weddings section highlights only couples in their twenties. Meanwhile, almost every bridal gown ad features fresh faced, pencil thin supermodel types. The message is clear \u2014 if you\u2019re a bride in her forties, you\u2019re pretty much an afterthought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can\u2019t help appreciating the irony. Brides over the age of 40 have gone through more trials and tribulations to arrive at happily ever after. We have earned the fanfare that usually accompanies getting engaged. And yet, because of ageism in our culture, we\u2019re made to feel that we should be more subdued about this hard-won milestone. One relative of mine pooh poohed the idea of a bridal shower, stating that at my age I already have everything I need. A close friend expressed zero interest in hearing about the proposal when we got together for the first time in months. And long before I got engaged (and before Covid), two retired family members asked that the wedding not interfere with their late 2020 vacations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Amidst all of this, life and wedding planning go on. Two pandemic-necessitated postponements notwithstanding, Steve and I have managed to check off most of the important to-dos without much stress. Church, reception venue, band, cake designer and florist are all booked. The current task at hand \u2013 finding my dress. It felt magical to begin this quest at NYC\u2019s legendary Kleinfeld\u2019s and I shared that on Facebook.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou are living a fairy tale!\u201d commented one friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There\u2019s no such thing as fairy tales, not in these pandemic times. Looking for a dress without my mother is bittersweet. While I have cried tears of joy from finding true love, there are just as many moments when I\u2019m overwhelmed with sadness because my parents aren\u2019t here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course, my Facebook post about going to Kleinfeld\u2019s didn\u2019t articulate any of this. A single-day snapshot rarely gives you the full picture of someone\u2019s emotional life. Assuming otherwise is one of the greatest misconceptions \u2013 and dangers \u2013 of social media. Which reminds me of one of my favorite sayings:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBe kind, for everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019re all going through a lot. A little kindness \u2014 and remembering to share the good times as well as the bad \u2014 will make all the difference in helping us get to the other side.<\/p>\n<\/body>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"